Kristie Charlton

I refused to be the widow who allowed grief to destroy my happiness..

Re writing the rules to Grief to win the game of life again.

I decided to use my grief as fuel to be remembered for the woman who turned grief upside down and pave the way for widows thrive .

The last goodbye wasn’t long enough!!! I had to let go…

The inward journey beyond my grief to becoming a widowpreneur and keep moving forward while feeling the avalanche of pain, hurt, sadness, turning my pain into purpose!

I found peace! In all the chaos!

Deciding to become a grief & loss coach was not easy and definitely not my plan…initially!

I thought I was going to be the next Tony Robbins as a woman… instead I’m becoming the first Kristie Charlton.

Born and raised in the country small town, I was best known as a hairdresser for 26 years, while doing personal development & coaching alongside hairdressing for last 10 years,

I found Tony Robbins after a shocking divorce in 2010, attended many seminars and trainings, new certifications and, read over 500 books in 9 years in the pursuit of happiness and to create the perfect family…

Fast forward…to 2020… re married my soul mate Ben, 10 days after we were married, 13 weeks pregnant baby number 3 the unthinkable happened …

Life hit me like a freight train,

My beautiful husband of only 6 years lost his 3.5 year battle of terminal bowel cancer & passed away 17/11/2022 in my arms .

I was 42yrs leaving behind our children, aged 2, 4 and 12 at the time, my world as I knew it crashed, I lost my beautiful, I lost who I was, o lost my confidence, our coaching company closed and everything changed, never knowing pain like this before.

I asked 3 questions that change the course of my life forever on the day he was diagnosed and the day he died; they were.

1. What memories do you want to make?

2. And how do you want to be remembered.

3. I must grieve my way to happiness.

As these 3 questions became the focus, it was the turning point from being engulfed with sadness and grief reducing me to basic minimal functioning at its worst to taking control to know I have a choice that grief is what I make it (this took some time to embrace) I had to find a way to turn my pain into purpose.

The lessons I learned was, I did need time to heal, I’m no expert that’s for sure, I do know I get to make the final choice, after hearing all the options I had, it’s up to me.

The three biggest things I learnt was the

1. Smaller the steps I took,

2. The slower I took them

3. The faster I healed and accepted my grief, (I didn’t like it or want to)

I had to do that, I knew grief would always be with me and that I had to grow through it and embrace it.

The biggest thing I also learnt was time, no matter if it was one year five or 10 years nothing was going to bring my husband back. There is no right or wrong amount of time to grieve, there’s no such thing as the right time.

I found I reached a moment in time that healing was instant the moment I realised that the amount of time I dedicated to my grief experience was enough.

I’d had enough of feeling this way,

Finding the right support to help me take the next step with empathy understanding and nurturing forward with encouragement made all the difference. I didn’t have to do it alone and being left feeling lonely became stronger than ever and it’s not taboo to want to be loved, be happy and feel heard.

Embodying Ben’s fearless spirit, I started wearing his suits, shirts, ties, to feel connected to him as result I became a new person of possibilities, he was a genius, his commitment, his dedication, his courage and his un wavering self-discipline he showed me because his life depended on it means time is now!

Not to give up, keep moving forward one step

At a time. I found my purpose to help others. Juggling, my kids, work, home as a solo mum and it’s all possible.

I just never thought it would be possible to feel so honoured to support someone in their darkest time. Truly a for filled gift and gratitude, rebuilding their life and being happy.

Now I share this story as, mum, as widow, as a wife and a coach who feels the pain from watching my husband die in my arms taking his last breath changes you, having skills I previously learned helped me enjoy, create memories and have him remembered as fun loving adventurous husband & daddy my kids will know him for, putting aside my pain to give him the best life he could and this gave me true fulfilment id never felt before in such a horrific tragedy.

Realising to do this for myself asking the same very questions. To find gratitude embody his incredible spirit, his inspiring courage to face his own death, and embrace his fearless attitude towards life, it has been a very tough lesson I realised life is a gift and no matter how hard it gets we can always get through it.

Everything I did up until this point lead me see life very differently, I found my purpose. I go through, the milestones, and accepted my new reality, I didn’t like it, I had to find a way to accept it, to give me confidence to change the story I was telling myself, to know that because I’ve done it and helped others do it too and honor our loved ones along the way.

If I live in the past the future can’t happen!

Alone is better done together.